White Knight Chronicles: The Naked Truth

We stand in front of my Playstation 3. Cook holds the case of White Knight Chronicles in his left hand, the disk, in his left. He motions to hand it for me, and I gingerly relieve him of it. I stare at the disk of the game I have anticipated playing since the day Cook got it.

I lean over and insert the disk into my console. I return to my couch, and relax and prepare for the Adventure.

I am brought into a world where old people with a very minor grasp of magic can completely confuse and destroy the mind of a simple town guard. Where a complete and total boob can be selected to control a world destroying apocalyptic weapon.  Where princesses are captured, for a vaguely defined reason, you can destroy giant beasts without wearing pants or a chest piece of armor.

Wait... what?

Yes my friends you can.

The game offers a very in depth character creation system. The amount of sliders enable you to make your character as amazing, or deformed, as you like.  I personally went for somewhere in the middle, with a look that vaguely resembles myself, and a height of around 6' 3 I believe, but characters in this world average 5'9 apparently, so I tower over the aforementioned old master, Hero, and the spunky lass.

Great, already on the road to breaking this shit.

The game begins with me being introduced to Leonard, the REAL hero of our story. Leonard is to go to the nearby farming town of... Small Town, and pick up some wine for the castle's party for the Princess... or something.  I have to say, my first few hours of the game, I didn't pay a bit of attention to the story. For this first scene I was too busy making fun of Leonard.  Leonard is instructed to take the "new guy" with him. This "new guy" is me and Leonard introduces myself to me. I introduce myself by saying nothing but waving my arms like I would be talking. I already hate Leonard.

Quest thus obtained, we leave the store and prepare for the adventure of our lives! No wait, I realize Leonard has 1 more defense than I. Hmmmm...  can't have that, so I move his equipment to me, and realize I CANNOT EQUIP IT. Character specific gear. Thanks. I can equip his shield though, so now I have one defense up on him. HAH! When I'm welcomed back to the gameplay, I find Leonard's character is wearing just as much as he was in the equipment screen. Nothing. Hmmmm... Leonard remains like this.

I bring open my map and find a star directs me to my objective. I streak to our objective and am met with a cut-scene. Showing Leonard and I passing some old dude with a wrapped up weapon on his back. He give Leonard a weird look, which must be because LEONARD ISN'T WEARING CLOTHES.

Yes, most cutscenes are done using the in game graphics, and also use what your character is currently wearing. So when Leonard saves the princess, he can be naked. When your team sneaks into the ball, you can all be naked...with capes. You too can be the underwear bandito's; Masters of the Night, kings of all but clothing.

This is the end of this review.

I could touch into the fact that the game offers a deep and interesting skill system. I could mention the fact that you can slay 18' tall monstrosities, and have fun doing so. But I will not. The only reason you need to buy this game is that you can do almost everything... without clothes on.

I will get this game when it comes to  a wal-mart near me.